Hey, hello, hi. Happy Thursday.
So I’ve been to see my psychiatrist and as a result I may have to amend the banner of this blog.
I went into the appointment wanting to address my disorganisation and agitation with her. I’ve been struggling a bit trying to get college done, I have trouble sitting through my three hour classes and I find myself zoning out to the point where I end up sitting there staring at the computer screen for fifteen minutes at a time. Sometimes I’ve ended up walking out early because I just couldn’t settle down.
It’s affecting work too. I work mostly from home, but I have a lot of trouble sitting still and getting stuck in. The other day it took me about two hours to do half an hours worth of work because I kept getting up and pacing. When I’m working in the office I have people checking in and prompting me to keep at it but I still find myself zoning out.
As well as the concentration issues I have been really disorganised. My room is a mess, I’m turning up at college without my books or notes and forgetting appointments. I decide to do something, then I procrastinate, sitting on facebook for hours to build myself up to do something as simple as making a phone call.
I was nervous about bring these issues with my doctor because I was worried she would change up my meds. Despite the extreme weight loss on Zeldox (which, if I’m being honest I wasn’t entirely unhappy about) this current regime has given me the least amount of trouble than any of the number of meds I’ve been on.
I brought it up anyway, and she asked if I had always been like this. I said yes I had – my mother used to despair over my disorganisation at school, and frankly I have no idea how I managed to complete my university degree because I was buzzing and zoned out all of the time.
When I was at school and university my bipolar wasn’t being treated so that didn’t help. I was officially diagnosed with depression and Asperger syndrome so my disorganisation and concentration difficulties were treated by my doctors as symptoms of those. However while I still may be autistic, my depression and mania are well controlled by medication these days. I know I’m not depressed and my mum hasn’t been accusing me of being manic. Yet these behaviours endure.
The psychiatrist agreed that these behaviours seem to be separate to my mental illness and so she put forward a new diagnosis – attention deficit disorder, or ADD. And she looked at me as if she expected me to fall out of my chair.
I remained seated. I’ve suspected I’ve had this for years, although I didn’t go into this appointment expecting to come out with this diagnosis. It’s not official yet though, she wants to trail me on Ritalin. Basically if the Ritalin works, I have it.
I’m going to start on the lowest dose, 10mg. She warned me that because it’s a stimulant, if I don’t have ADD it will, well, stimulate me. She said if I find myself getting more agitated, or developing manic symptoms, I should call her and presumably she will tell me to stop immediately. I was also given a pathology form for an ECG and warned not to binge drink as the drug will interact with the alcohol.
It just goes to show that you should always keep your doctor in the loop with your concerns even if you’re scared of what they will say or do. Because if this Ritalin works, and my concentration improves, it will make a huge difference for me.
I’ll update again in about a week on how the Ritalin goes