I need to be reminded that my ass is attached to my body otherwise I might forget it :(

It’s funny how counter movements tend to be escalatory in nature.

So recently the #womenaginstfeminism movement came to the attention of the internet, as a collection of statements from mainly women who feel threatened by or dismissive of feminism.

In response the folks behind feminist podcast Wait, Wut? are making #needthepatriachy a thing, as can be seen in this album on their facebook page.

Some of my favourites:

#needthepatriachy because “there’s a hole in my heart that can only be filled with unsolicited dick pictures” FUCKING. YES.

#Needthepatriachy because “Hoards of feminists break into my room and steal my bras for kindling. Shit’s expensive” Well who hasn’t been there.

#needthepatriachy because “feminism made me hate men and now I can’t stop punching my dad. WHY CAN’T I STOP PUNCHING MY DAD?” DADDY FORGIVE ME

Well, after perusing the album I got thinking. When was the last time I acknowledged everything the patriarchy does for me? Time for credit where credit’s due.

After much careful consideration I realised:

I #needthepatriachy because if I felt welcome on the weight floor of the gym, I’d embarrass myself by heading straight for the pretty pink weights.

I #needthepatriachy because if it weren’t for our education minister Christopher Pyne I’d have no idea what to study at uni.

I #needthepatriachy because if I didn’t have aged male politicians telling me how my reproductive system works, I could NEVER work it out on my own. Medical science degree notwithstanding.

I #needthepatriachy because if my looks weren’t worth 95% of my worth as a young woman I’d have to be really, really good at something to be worth talking to. Who has time for that?

I #needthepatriachy because if I wasn’t compelled to spend all that time shaving off my body hair I would go mad from the boredom.

I #needthepatriachy because having a baby is a stressful experience, and worrying about whether I have a job to go back to after I come off maternity leave is great practice.

I #needthepatriachy because my dastardly man–deceiving make up use must be kept in check. Of course it’s reasonable to assume that I look the same way all dolled up under night club lighting 24/7!

I #needthepatriachy because it’s so much simpler to assume everything a man does for me must be repaid in sexual favours.

I #needthepatriachy because if skimpy clothes aren’t a sign of being DTF, how else am I going to pick up?

I #needthepatriachy because ditto drinking too much! Feminists and their pussy blocking…

I #needthepatriachy because thinking that a man would ever want to be friends with my F cups would be thinking way too highly of myself.

I #needthepatriachy because dehumanising everyone who is obviously from a different culture or religion is crucial to our national identity –otherwise we might forget where we live.

I #needthepatriachy because everyone knows, a feminist can’t catch a man!



How do YOU need the patriarchy in your life?

That wasn’t a rhetorical question. Comment below if you feel inclined. I’m sure yours will be funnier.


Oh by the way, a friend from uni once ran through the campus women’s collective meeting wearing a shirt that said “you can’t catch a man.” He found out that not only can they catch a man, they can kick him pretty hard too.