I drank more than everyone else and not as much as I wanted. Story of my life these days really.
So back to last Friday night: I had to go on a hen’s night, for the first time since my drinking became a problem. That meant being in situations where alcohol as readily available, and I had to make the decision to partake and try to avoid being ‘that’ drunk in the group or not drinking at all.
I chose to drink. Bear in mind that I had arranged to be picked up afterwards by my parents so if I was obviously drunk when they got me, they wouldn’t be happy.
The other object of consideration was that the hen is a christian girl, as are most of her friends and the others are mums who have to get up to young children the next day so in that scene, no-one is going to be drinking a lot. If I get black out drunk I will stick out.
The hen’s party consisted of dinner at a fancier pub bistro then bowling at a nearby games centre that serves cocktails. Very sensible activities but with a lot of alcohol available.
With the above considerations in mind I went to the pub. The bride the be was already there, and a few of the other girls were also arriving so we immediately went to get drinks. I took note of what everyone else ordered – a few lemonades, lemon lime and bitters – and when it was my turn thought fuck it, might as well have one to start the evening off and ordered my standard poison, a gin and tonic.
I took my drink back to the table and put it down. “Oh did you get a piece of lime in your lemonade? That’s a good idea.” The maid of honour asked cheerfully.
“no, it’s a gin and tonic.” I admitted sheepishly
“Ah…lemonade with extra then. Nice.”
It is a conscious effort for me to drink slowly but I did that, only allowing myself one sip at a time. I made myself get engrossed in the conversation as I hadn’t seen these particular friends for awhile and the bride was more than happy to talk about all the intricacies of wedding planning. I told myself that I would only have another gin and tonic with dinner.
We had dinner and I tried to be as healthy as you can be with pub dinner (steak and veggies) and got my second gin and tonic. I was appalled when I ordered from a different bartender and he charged me more.
We finished eating and I finished my drink, then the bride said “We’ll wait another half hour then we’ll walk to bowling.”
I found myself thinking, half an hour…that’s enough time to get another drink. No, I told myself firmly, you can wait until we get to bowling.
After we got to the next venue we had to wait for a lane. Some of the girls started playing arcade games and I went predictably straight to the bar and perused the cocktail list. Immediately my attention went to a long island iced tea. Tempting, but I don’t want to be comatose by the time my parents pick me up with I definitely will be if I drink one of those. I settled for a gin mixer and went on my way.
We started bowling which I am terrible at. So many gutter balls. About halfway though they gave us bumpers and strangely my scores went up while everyone elses scores went down. In amongst this I found time for another sneaky cocktail.
Our time on our lane ended and the girls were wanting the go to karaoke but I knew I was just going to keep drinking so I decided to call it a night. I called my parents and they came and got me. I didn’t feel drunk, and nothing was said about how sober I appeared on the ride home.
I guess the biggest thing I’ve learnt on this journey is when to remove yourself from the situation. This is what I keep with me moving forward.